plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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