i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
