Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
