the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
