Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
