there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
