Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
