the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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