im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
