Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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