I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
