you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
