he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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