Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
