You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
