time to smoke my breakfast
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
