i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
