Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
