pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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