i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
