you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize