Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
