So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you would pick up someone in the library
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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