dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize