Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
