Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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