i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
