Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
