So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
