Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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