Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize