Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
