So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize