If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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