Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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