it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
