remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Randomize
