so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize