He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
