I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
