mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
