I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
