do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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