woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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