We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
