you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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