on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize