Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
