i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
