Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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