hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
