Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
