she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
