At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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