God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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