remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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