quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize