i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
