the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize