You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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