Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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