WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
