One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
