I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
