Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize