East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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