stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize