just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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