I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize