wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize