what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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