So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize